Susan’s Rant – Week of May 1st Offensive  Being a single, loud, aggressive woman telling jokes makes me offensive. The fact that I will not apologize for being fat and cry on my bathroom floor, like Kirstie Alley does on her new Jenny Craig series on Showtime, is offensive. I would rather be offensive then a hypocrite (love that word). When I make jokes about race, a few conservative whites look around to see if the minorities in the room are laughing then they feel comfortable laughing. Let’s not forget the ‘fake’ whites who are minorities and are in shock when I mention their racial background.  ‘If you want to find out how black you are, try marrying a Kennedy.’ My anonymous friend from the East Coast said. One of my former ‘fake’ white friends called me a racist. I tried to explain to him that my views are how I feel and he does not have to accept them but he is free to burn in hell. I am not going to ‘sugar coat’ my feelings so he can feel comfortable about betraying his own race. To some people I may be pretty ‘low’ on the race totem pole since I am a fat, mixed-race woman. I do not fit the docile, ‘me love you long time’ Asian female image. Since my mother did not teach me Korean (only a few swear words), I am more comfortable with my ‘white’ side. I must admit I do enjoy listening to all the variety of accents in the world. However, when I get upset I may attack the nearest person to me who may be foreign and tell them to go back where they came from. I’m sorry, Mom, Happy Mother’s Day. What is truly offensive is zillionaire Bill Gates trying to push through a new bill in congress to increase the amount of foreign visas in the United States. It seems that Microsoft can not find enough ‘smart available engineers’ in the US. Which means that Microsoft does not want to pay high salaries for the US engineers and rather hire engineers from India which only costs them some curry food and importing their sacred cows. Boy, I’m craving Indian food now, chicken masala rocks. Seriously, I do love everyone except a few Jews, Blacks, and Whites. If I have offended you, please check out my calendar and come see me LIVE. Click here to see an archive of Susan's previous Rants. TM & Copyright 2004 - 2006 Susan Alexander Productions LLC. All Rights Reserved.