Kids are just gay men in disguise. Both always chanting “look at me, look at me.”

Instead of watching wife beater Lifetime movies and the Law and Order marathons, one Sunday I volunteered to baby sit my friend’s kids. Really, I wanted to see if I even had those breeder instincts inside me.

As a temporary mom, I realized I had complete control over these kids and they had to listen to me. Sometimes there were negotiations but they did not know they were up against….. Bossy Boots.

Bossy Boots has a game plan ahead of time and use to be the bully of the playground. Once you are the bully of the playground your next step is world domination.

Three out of the four kids were great and listened to me. But one of the kids constantly wanted to argue with me. This kid will either become a serial killer or great lawyer…same thing. No more Law & Order marathons for me.

As the day progress, it was nice to think that a single Bar Girl like me has some breeder instincts. Luckily, these kids were already city trained so were alert and well behaved in public almost like mini-adults with better manners.

I felt a little hypocritical since I limited the kids’ TV and computer time. Whatever down time I have, I love watching some guilty pleasure TV shows like Flavor of Love and ‘Everybody Loves Raymond’ reruns.

I’m thinking these kids are the future; they need to read and play outside so they do not become someone who goes to bars, get drunk and has meaningless sex. They’ll do that in college.

To keep the kids entertained, we played Monopoly and I thought I better take it easy on the kids. Please, the five year old played like a mini-Donald Trump with better hair and beat us all.

With the kids tucked into bed, Bossy Boots left to fill her empty life with some cocktails and bullying people into laughing.

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