Susan Alexander - The Rant

Susan’s Rant – Week of September 1st

Tourists Rule

Performing stand-up comedy each week exposes me to a great variety of tourists.

The other week, this Asian couple came up to me and said, ‘You so cute, you look like Buddha with big boobies. We bring you fruit and flowers.’
I responded, ‘Thank you, but Buddha eats Krispy Kremes and now takes cash only.”

Being half Asian (the good half), I do get the ‘Buddha’ comments a few times from tourists.
Spotting tourists in San Francisco is pretty easy. Just because the weather is gorgeous and eighty degrees during the day doesn’t mean that the temperature won’t drop to fifty degrees at night. The unfortunate tourists are shivering in their shorts because they forgot they are not in Southern California.

It’s time to confess that the unfortunate tourist happens to be me. I visited the Bay Area for the first time about seven years ago and stayed mostly in Silicon Valley. The weather in the Valley was about ninety degrees so I rented a convertible because that is what you do when you are in California besides become a serial killer. Then I decided to check out San Francisco and the minute I drove past the airport I see this thick fog covering the city. Of course I needed to keep the top down in the convertible to get every minute of pleasure out of the car. Shivering and driving downtown, I saw the promise land of yuppie crack, coffee. On one corner, there was a Starbucks, Tully’s and Peet’s Coffee. I was in heaven and knew I would be moving to bi-polar weather San Francisco.

Before signing off from San Francisco, I want to give props to a few of my favorite San Francisco places and people:

- The Canvas – The first room I hosted stand-up comedy and my Singles Who Mingle™ events. Jerry, Jenny, Hahva, Terra and Stephanie all rule!

- 50 Mason_SF Comedy Club – My home away from home. The place I spent every Friday and Saturday night for over a year performing stand-up comedy. I appreciate all the work and being able to help build a great new comedy club in San Francisco. Special thanks to Joe, Shelly and Singh. Congrats to Joe and Shelly on their engagement.

- Balboa Sorority House – My roommates and good friends, Rita and Dana. Lucky enough to have lived with these ladies for a few years who were my biggest supporters from day one with my stand-up comedy.

- Godfather of SF Comedy – Tony Sparks, the most underrated and greatest stand-up comedy asset in the Bay Area. I am honored to have been able to learn and watch from Tony. He is gracious, caring and a class act.

- Fellow Comedian Roasters – Love most of you because you had the balls to ROAST me and to write funnier jokes than your regular acts. Yes, I have the roast on film.

- Last but not least….The Gays – Scotty, Ali and David are just a few of my ‘gay husbands’ that I love and will give discount tickets to see my future shows. Love all you crazy bitches!

Of course, there are many more people in San Francisco that will always be with me and I will not let forget me in my monthly email updates.

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